Friday, November 14, 2008

Civil War Generals Whose Ghosts Have Visited Me At Night

It has been my privilege to entertain the ghosts of various Civil War generals late at night. William Tecumseh Sherman asks for loose change and becomes frustrated when it drops through his transluscent hand. George B. McClellan has the face of a great grizzly bear and is as equally ill-spirited. Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard speaks in an unintelligible dialect that sounds just like English spoken backwards. Robert E. Lee is over seven feet tall and has well over eighty fingers, which he likes to silently count when he's not engaged in conversation. George Edward Pickett's favorite movie is the Anthony Hopkins-Alec Baldwin wilderness thriller "The Edge". Leonidas Polk greatly resents being killed in Sherman's March. It's literally all he talks about. Joseph Hooker sobs uncontrollably, terrified of returning to the enveloping blackness when he takes his leave from me, but is no less thankful to exist on some kind of plane even if I'm the only one who can see him.

Granted, this is an incomplete list. My mind weighs heavy these days, and I don't have all day to fill you in on all of the ghosts of Civil War generals who visit me late at night. You should be quite thankful that I gave you a list as complete as the one here.

Until next time...


Blogger Tyles said...

I wish somebody would visit me at night. Some Southern gentleman with a flowing white beard would be nice.

11/18/2008 6:01 PM  

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