Forgive this dorkiness

The only way you could pull off a Captain America movie is to make it a period piece set in the early 1940s. He'd look silly now in any incarnation, particularly if you do the frozen in suspended animation plot line. Hook him up with the French resistance and have him fight off the Red Skull, that's the ticket.

Cast-wise: Michael Cera as Steve Rogers. Okay, seriously. But seriously, I don't know. He has to look like some corn-fed boy from the '30s, so none of that Ryan Gosling horseshit. They'll probably just cast some Australian soap actor anyway.

Also: the early-90s version? Awesome. A mix between The Pianist and a licensing deal gone horribly awry.