Friday, May 02, 2008

The List In Which We Name the Best Jobs in a Nationalist Socialist Dictatorship

*Updated Below*

Side note: A very sexy, very anonymous person warned me not to distract Ashby with (admittedly) dumb-headed and arbitrary list-making when he should be working on papers and presentations to close out the semester. Well, you sexy nameless fiend, Ashby would not be deterred. I tried to stop him, but it was far too important to him to name the best jobs in a nationalist socialist dictatorship besides dictator to postpone. He also upped the ante with worst jobs in a nationalist socialist dictatorship besides dictator. In my opinion, this list eclipsed the one I asked for, with entries of "Pianist, apparently," "voice of reason," and "Eva Braun."

So, my list is best and worst jobs, simultaneously, in a nationalist socialist dictatorship.

5. Aryan beet farmer. I would probably be in the least likely group to be targeted for genocide.

4. Max Schmeling.

3. Schoolteacher. The best part is that I would be able to notify the government of the impertinent kids who talk back and cause trouble and have them targeted to be "re-assigned." The worst part is the grading.

2. Dog walker. There isn't really a downside to this, I just really like dogs.

1. Dictator's father. It's a prestige position, unless the dictator secretly lusts after his mother and carves the likeness of my face into potatoes and then eats them raw and harbors paranoid fantasies that a teaspoon of my bodily fluids could poison and kill him. It's a 50-50 shot.

Alright, Ashby, the floor is yours.


I should have noted in #1 that "a teaspoon of my bodily fluids could either poison and kill him, or make him invulnerable. It's a 50-50 shot." I regret the oversight.


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