Monday, November 24, 2008

Giving the economy a handy

I'm tired of the phrase "stimulating the economy" for a couple of reasons. 1) It's almost always ensconced in a larger conversation between douchebag pundits who are determined to disagree with one another in totally bloodless and uninteresting ways (seriously, let's introduce a "sharp knives" segment on Face The Nation). 2) It is perhaps the vaguest and most useless of phrases since gems like "Re-living the past," "You get what you pay for," and my personal favorite, "Ashby, you'd better not come home drunk and reeking of cigarettes again."

I'll admit, that last one is a little more open to interpretation than the others.

Two media outlets in England (home of the language that launched a million utterly useless graduate degrees) recently compiled lists of cliches that irk people most. While neither included the post-game interview staples "taking it one game at a time" or "just execute our game plan" that we see all the time here in the colonies, the list was mostly similar kinds of phrases - verbal shorthand for "I don't know exactly what to say here, so I will insert this combination of words that will deflect further interrogation."

I propose that we do more than merely make a list of these phrases than annoy us. I mean, seriously, what's more pathetic than simply identiifyng aspects of language and culture you find particularly irksome and then raving on about them as if anyone cared about your opinion? You know, like some people do with their "weblogs." And since I know that the use of cliches is probably unavoidable, I propose that we simply invent some new ones that are at least a little more evocative

For starters, I nominate "Rubbing out the economic downturn with scrambled porn and 'jobs' programs."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Context matters. During a recent lapdance, I asked the dance-professional to stimulate my economy, and she did.

11/24/2008 10:04 AM  

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