The Greatest Story Ever Told Was 'Hamlet'

Christianity is not under fire in this country. I know this because one can say they believe everything that happened in the Bible and not get laughed out of the room. I don't think that counts as religious intolerance, though I have seen people accused of such by saying as much. I suppose I'm a bit elitist, since I'd rather not believe everything in the bible - if I did, I'd have to see the human race as 6 billion inbred hicks. With the way democracy's been going, maybe that's not saying too much. I do not believe Jesus was born on Christmas. A very smart friend of mine who is now going to Med school called this a heresy and refused to talk religion with me anymore. Christmas, Dec. 25th, used to be a Pagan holiday. I love how Christians scream at those denying their right to set up a gaudy Nativity scene outside of the local Post Office, but can turn around and criticize minorities for 'complaining too much' about their plight. In fact, I've met a few people who've said of blacks, "We free them and this is how they repay us?"

Thusly, I dislike many Christians and most white people. This is not to say that I don't dislike people of other colors as well. I'm equal opportunity when it comes to finding others distasteful. People who would like to blow me and my family up with an improvised suicide bomb? I dislike them (I have been implicitly accused of aiding and possibly abetting them). Crazy asian dicatators with a harem of unwilling blondes and a finger on the doomsday device? I dislike him, as well. Asians who think Americans are fat? Well, they hurt my feelings, more than anything else. Notice these are subsets of people - some of them very select (the Asian dictator, for example).

I don't like blanket statements like "Black quarterbacks are dumb (extrapolate this into black people altogether, if you have not already), and therefore cannot win Super Bowls." A friend said that and backed it up by saying if people really knew him, they'd know there was no way he meant it. He is also from Minnesota and the most interaction he's had with a black person this past year has been a solemn nod whilst passing each other on the sidewalk, to let them know he's not afraid of them. Facetiously racist jokes are still racist, even if they're facetious, which really means violently self-implicative. My friend is also Christian and believes in the trickle down theory of economics. Not to make a blanket statement about Xtians, though. My friend is too good for them.

Some whole Church communities in the United States believe that homosexuality is evil and must be stamped out. Doesn't this make them hate groups?

My family is Catholic and I sort of still am. I don't find this to be a conflict of interest. Catholics used to burn Jews and Muslims at the stake and wage land wars to steal from unsuspecting, nonviolent middle-easterners. Now they just molest small boys and enjoy convocations. This is progress.

Hitler was the worst murderer, next to Joe Stalin, in the 20th century. Neither was a practicing Christian. See? I can be even-handed.

I think Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise are equally nuts, though Mel Gibson had a head start of fifteen years, an ultra conservative religious conversion, and a fake Australian accent.

If it's better to go with the devil you know than the devil you don't, does that mean an evangelical pastor would rather hang out with Lucifer than the organizer of the gay pride parade?

Yes, I believe your religion is a joke, but I will fight to the death for you to be able to practice it.

I still like the Jesuits.