Thursday, June 01, 2006

New Ideas for Marquette's Mascot

It's been a while since the last, humiliating campaign to change Marquette's mascot from the inoffensive Golden Eagles, so, assuming the wounds have healed, I propose another go at it:

The Marquette Potowatomi Casinos: Sure, Warriors is an insensitive stereotype - but our favorite local reservationists get a marketing deal with a major university, and they might even pick up the lease on the arena. (Note: Mascot looks nothing like an indian, or what we think an indian should look like)

The Marquette College Republicans: They're already a self-parody, and it's only a small step from self-parody to demeaning stereotype. And what's a mascot if not a demeaning stereotype? Our College Republicans will gamble away their father's money from the car dealership, fag-bash, race-bait, and drink their way into corporate success after a four-year college career.

The Marquette Jew: Really, it will just be the Jewish kid at Marquette. Suggested by Hershel Mandelbaum.

The Marquette Skull-Fuckers: Original, edgy, and will make for one hell of a plush doll at the bookstore.

The Marquette Plutocrat Bastards: Comes with rapeable twelve year-old from Thailand.

The Marquette Jack Bauers: 24 rules.

The Marquette Jesuits: This one is unfeasible because the regional head of the Jesuits will demand a hefty licensing fee.

The Marquette Harvard Crimson: Justifies the recent hikes in tuition.

The Marquette Bushbashers: These five hippies will scream their heads off about how George W. Bush is a terrorist, but everyone will ignore them because who pays attention to a mascot?

The Marquette Human Papilloma Virus: More prevalent on campus now than students from Chicago.

2 Comments:

Blogger JeffCol said...

Well, lets say screw it to the Marquette College Republicans and do the Marquette College Democrats. Yet, that would be as much of a waste as the party is in our national government. It would only drive down the motivation and satisfaction of students since all they will do is bitch about the current situation, offering no realistic solutions and find new, creative ways to blow the schools money on pointless projects. And on top of that, the mascot would probably be a gay illegal alien.

6/03/2006 5:57 AM  
Blogger JoePo said...

The Marquette Gay Illegal Aliens:

Pliant, responsive, and willing to do it for a nominal fee, if any. That'll work. Except that they're supergay, and no one can handle that, not now in the 21st century. Okay, I have a new idea: The Marquette Golden Retrievers. Pliant, responsive, and not at all human. They might be gay, but everyone is too embarrassed to check.

6/04/2006 1:28 AM  

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