Friday, September 22, 2006

New Cliches That I Fucking Hate

I only have two entries for this right now. Maybe I'll remember another by the end of the post, or maybe I'll have to constantly update this list.

First off:

"Yes, Virginia..." references. They aren't clever, original, witty, evocative, mature, or whateverthefuck else you want them to sound like. They call to mind a person who has read other articles wherein someone like P.J. O'Rourke said something about sex like, "Yes Virginia, women do have orgasms," which acts as both lame and creepy, if you think about the original reference. I firmly believe that people use the limp-dicked "Yes, Virginia..." reference just because everyone else does. The Dresden Dolls even have this palsied phrase as an album title, and just because of that, I will never listen to it. Is it supposed to evoke humor? Is it a zany reference? Who knows? We'd have to ask the first person who used it, in 1946.

"Slouching towards..." - Yes, let's all imitate Joan Didion. Funny aside - I've hated Joan Didion ever since I read something she wrote about Woody Allen, from the '70s. Ashby tells me I could just have stopped that last sentence at "ever since I read something she wrote," but, that's neither here nor there. She was too cool for his neurosis or something. I guess I should dig up the reference, but thinking about people who use the phrase "Slouching towards Gommorah/Nerd-vana/Lollapalooza/etc, etc, etc" pisses me off to the point that I can't remember how to use Google. That's right, I break the internet.

"It's like when (x) meets (x)." Tapes 'N Tapes sounds like Pavement meets the Pixies. No, Tapes 'N Tapes sounds like a band from Minnesota that has been equally influenced by Pavement and the Pixies. Oh, and hey, what does their music sound like?

Sweeping statements about religion. This shit was played out in the '90s. Or, always has been. "Religion is the source of all warfare." "Religion makes people stupid." "Religion is the opiate of the masses." No, it's not religion, it's evangelicism. You know what's more entertaining than lamenting with heavy-handed weariness the untoward effects of religion on society? Using arcane references from early Church history completely out of context. Like when the Pope uses a quote from a little-known Byzantine emperor in order to tell Muslims that their Faith is murderous. Hilarious.

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