Here's To You, Tiny-Faced Off-Duty Cop

At Barney's, apparently a cop bar in south city, I had a few drinks with my friends. We talked about a range of issues, all of the time respectful of each other's views. My friend Monaca, sitting across from her delightful boyfriend Joe, recognizes a guy who lives a few houses down from her and decides to go talk to him. He seemed nice enough. The whole group of guys around him seemed nice enough. All except a guy who was goofily dancing around to the shitty southern rock playing on the stereo system. This man had an exceptionally large head, but when he turned around, I noticed he had a very small face. He looked like a political cartoon, basically. And he had a smirk, oh the smirk. Anyway, he apparently said a few lewd things to my friend Monaca as she tried to talk to her friend, which hastened her departure from their conversation. She commented on how uncomfortable this douche made her feel. Then this guy, honestly, does that Saturday Night Live Will Ferrel bobbing head dancing douche bag thing, only I think he was serious, like it wasn't a joke, like this was his routine. He approached a group of four girls doing this, and each one of them told him they all had boyfriends. I know because I eavesdropped - I found this man fascinating, like a car-wreck with GHB in its pocket. Anyway, Monaca told us how she felt, and Joe - a sturdy, unintimidatable fellow - went over to talk to their neighbor, who told Joe his tiny-faced friend was an off-duty police officer. Joe told him to make sure his friend cooled it, because, as a rule, federal officers are not intimidated by city police, and Joe showed his friend his badge, making sure our friend the city cop saw it too. He rather calmed down after that. Now all you fellas listen unto me, put down that whiskey, and let that alcohol induced power trip caused by your ability to finish a two month training course be.