Yet Another Awakening

President Bush said yesterday that he senses a "Third Awakening" of religious devotion in the United States that has coincided with the nation's struggle with international terrorists, a war that he depicted as "a confrontation between good and evil."

Is anything creepier than watching cross-eyed public officials seriously discuss "good" and "evil"?

And, if this awakening is anything like the previous ones, prepare thyself for some shitty poetry.

Anyway, here's a list of what is good, then what is evil, and then what is at stake between good and evil

Good:
White
College Football
Prayer
Smiling Muslims
Books
Some movies
Knowing the danger that Osama bin Laden presents us, but not mentioning the fact that he's at large
Education that adheres to national standards
WWF Hulk Hogan
Unprotected sex

Evil:
The "Houdini Cheesecake"
Black
Other movies
Large groups of black people
India, but not Pakistan's nuclear capabilities
Mentioning Osama bin Laden
Islamic Fascists (they sit on the riverbanks drinking cappuccinos discussing Pound and the evils of proletarianism; clearly, if people are left to their own devices, these fascists reason, they are dangers to the nation-state)
Education that "teaches" things
WCW "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan

At Stake:
Whose bombing is justified
Carpool duties
the legacy of Hulk Hogan
The right to call the other "fascist"
If masturbation is a sin
Our Historical IQ (functionally retarded vs. completely retarded, like curled-hands in a wheel chair retarded)