Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Some things I like

Some positivity, for a change. Most of the time, I post about stuff that pisses me off because sometimes it's funny, but it also helps me blow off steam so I don't have a character go off on an ill-advised and preachy (and no less uninformed) liberal diatribe in one of my stories. But something this blog sometimes reminds me of is the Hater on the Onion AVclub site. The Hater should be a good source of schadenfreude. But really, it mostly expounds on hatred of easy targets, things that register on the irritation scale but should probably be taken with a grain of salt anyway. She sports an irrational hatred of Zack Braff, who should really just be ignored when he's not on Scrubs. I disliked Garden State as much as anyone else, because one can take so many long, languid shots of a clearly damaged person taking in a scene as it unfolds around him and quirky shit like gravediggers and a man in armor that doesn't really fit in but is just so zany that college girls will say, "That was so random!" but you'll just be like, hey, that's just like Scrubs but without an obvious comedic payoff! Wait, wait, positivity. So I say, live and let live, Hater. Live and let Zach Braff live. He's the Paul Reiser of our generation. Live and let live.

So, some things I like, the better with which to judge me:

1) The Nation of Islam Sports Blog. Tongue-In-Cheek but never out of character. Always, always, always read the comments to see which dipshit white kid doesn't get the joke. Has an ongoing correspondence with the just-as-funny gay mafia of Kissing Suzy Kolber. My favorite so far is a righteous interview with a stoned Mike Vick, whose answers are given by Big Daddy Drew of KSK. The best line from that is when Mike Vick says of Pacman Jones, "I saw him put a shoe in a bitch once."

2) Harry Potter. I enjoy the world Rowling has created. It's delightful. It's not revolutionary, Rowling's world or my assertion. Also enjoyable: the denial of those people who "suddenly" realize that the kids of the movie have "blossomed overnight" into attractive adults.

3) Neil deGrasse Tyson. The man is delightful. Why are those who study the ends of the universe so enthusiastic and fun, and those who believe in Creationism so crabby and unhappy? (besides the massive chip on their collective shoulder?)

4) Scott Rolen's home run the other night. First since, what May? April? I feel good for the man.

5) Eddie Argos.

6) Driving the Great River Road from Alton to Grafton. See historic Alton, the monument of the great abolitionist and brazen anti-semite Elijah Lovejoy, the same Piasa that Pierre Marquette saw on his voyage down the Mississip', the confluence of the Missouri and said Mississip', copious areas for outdoor fornicatin', and the destination of so many of my trips up to Grafton - the Piasa Winery. Also, you can take the exit in Alton to Johnny Vegas, get you a vibratin' cock ring.

7) Life on the Mississippi by Mark Twain. Get lost in the nautical terminology, I don't get give a shit.

8) Listening to Brian Wilson's "Smile" on the 4th of July. There's not a more American piece of work out there. It's a lot catchier than anything you'll hear at the ballpark. Bonus points for borderline offensive lyrics about "the American Indian".

On a closing note, I wonder how the Mike Vick scandal would be going if Vick was not a talented player whose shortcomings began to make more headlines than his talents but was instead someone like Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, or even Marc Bulger. Okay, all of those guys are white, which might be telling, I don't know, but they're all established as great quarterbacks and good guys (if also completely boring). Is he treated like Hornung after the betting scandal, or is he given the death sentence? Admittedly, it takes a different kind of personality to treat animals so savagely, but what if Vick's star was steadily ascending? What if there had been no flicking-off-the-fans and no water bottle with a secret compartment? Oh, and Marcus Vick doesn't exactly recommend Michael's character, either. What if Vick is a boring two-time MVP? At the very least, you'd have people pointing out whatever NFL charity work he's done in the past. I guess I'm starting to scorn those people jumping on the Vick hatewagon, the same way I scoff to myself whenever I see Nancy Grace with yet another interminable report on steroids in wrestling. Of course, this happens with any media phenomenon. I'm just waiting for someone with a good head on his or her shoulders to tell the Nancy Graces and the Geraldos and the Norah O'Donnells to shut the fuck up and let there be due process, much the way Tommy Chong did when he was on MSNBC about the Paris Hilton bullshit (or some other celebrity thing) and pointed out how Mel Gibson's sins have been quietly forgotten. Anyway.


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