Monday, May 19, 2008

Cynicism free post

I'm suddenly growing sadder and sadder whenever I think about leaving for Wyoming. I'm leaving St. Louis, and who knows if I'll ever move back permanently, this ugly city with an ugly temperament. I'm leaving St. Louis...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Small Side Note

I will punch anyone who dislikes Michelle Obama right in the fucking teeth.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Gather round all you children

Know what the worst feeling in the world is? Second to thinking you have cancer, which I've already thought a few times this week? Knowing you fucked up a situation that wasn't fucked up until you just then fucked it up. Like where you brazenly insist on reconciling a situation with someone until you realize that you just reconciled your foot into your mouth and kept on reconciling that until it kicked right out your ass. It's a pretty sickly feeling. Anyway, that's the worst or second worst feeling the world.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Forgive this dorkiness

The only way you could pull off a Captain America movie is to make it a period piece set in the early 1940s. He'd look silly now in any incarnation, particularly if you do the frozen in suspended animation plot line. Hook him up with the French resistance and have him fight off the Red Skull, that's the ticket.

Cast-wise: Michael Cera as Steve Rogers. Okay, seriously. But seriously, I don't know. He has to look like some corn-fed boy from the '30s, so none of that Ryan Gosling horseshit. They'll probably just cast some Australian soap actor anyway.

Also: the early-90s version? Awesome. A mix between The Pianist and a licensing deal gone horribly awry.

Friday, May 02, 2008

The List In Which We Name the Best Jobs in a Nationalist Socialist Dictatorship

*Updated Below*

Side note: A very sexy, very anonymous person warned me not to distract Ashby with (admittedly) dumb-headed and arbitrary list-making when he should be working on papers and presentations to close out the semester. Well, you sexy nameless fiend, Ashby would not be deterred. I tried to stop him, but it was far too important to him to name the best jobs in a nationalist socialist dictatorship besides dictator to postpone. He also upped the ante with worst jobs in a nationalist socialist dictatorship besides dictator. In my opinion, this list eclipsed the one I asked for, with entries of "Pianist, apparently," "voice of reason," and "Eva Braun."

So, my list is best and worst jobs, simultaneously, in a nationalist socialist dictatorship.

5. Aryan beet farmer. I would probably be in the least likely group to be targeted for genocide.

4. Max Schmeling.

3. Schoolteacher. The best part is that I would be able to notify the government of the impertinent kids who talk back and cause trouble and have them targeted to be "re-assigned." The worst part is the grading.

2. Dog walker. There isn't really a downside to this, I just really like dogs.

1. Dictator's father. It's a prestige position, unless the dictator secretly lusts after his mother and carves the likeness of my face into potatoes and then eats them raw and harbors paranoid fantasies that a teaspoon of my bodily fluids could poison and kill him. It's a 50-50 shot.

Alright, Ashby, the floor is yours.


I should have noted in #1 that "a teaspoon of my bodily fluids could either poison and kill him, or make him invulnerable. It's a 50-50 shot." I regret the oversight.